a Long time Ago

it seems a long time ago
when i sat and thought
about all the things i wanted to know
about the instances that made me, in someway, grow
about people who had unfathomable faith, and never let go

it seems a long time ago
when i lived the veritable way i wanted to
when the days were wishful and nights not as blue
when everything unassumingly seemed just and true
when it wasn't much about we and i and you

it seems a long time ago
that i wasnt so alone in any fleeting way
that i could speak out all that i wished to say
that my mind flitted around and lay wherever it wanted to stay
that no frame of the past and the future
remained contained in today

it seems a long time ago
where love was considered to be of the simple and wise
where you could understand and choose,
before you came to realise
where systems were made to direct, process and analyze
where questions in the differences didn't even arise

it all seems a long time ago
what was a subtle cause to a prolific reaction
but change counted as a reason to transition
and the times came across to be discontentedly momentary
soon to be a mystical bygone, never to return.

The 'GOOD' 'LUCK' Factor

(where,  good and luck aren't conjoined to mean 'goodluck')

To me, life is like the spoof magic-boxes that came free with kids' meals at mcD's that i eagerly kept a lookout for whenever we decided to eat out. Chuck the burgers and the fries, you just never knew what would come out of that box! And sometimes, they would go on to have a series of cool gizmos that you could collect, and soon if you were persistent enough, you'd be the proud owner of that collection. And then, there would always be something else to wait for. And I've kept waiting. And likewise, just like the magic box, my life has been a series of big and small happenings - never being predictable, never knowing what would come next. The best part? Its always been worth the wait. :)

These 19 years of my life have been GOOD. By good, I intend to mean that for majority of the time, I've been happy and satisfied. I like to believe that I was born under amazingly lucky stars - stars that brought me amazing LUCK anyway. 1st instance of sheer luck : being born to MY parents. My parents are not what you would call the ideal set of people to have you brought up by. They were just the perfect people to bring ME up. As it turned out, the process and procedures involved went good as well (good : read above reference) and I turned out to be me. Well, that was the original intention after all - to let me be me, and keep being me. I remember my childhood being what every-kid-born-in-the-90s' childhood was like. Being the only kid in the family then, I was always extra taken-care-of and concerned-about.

Then we shifted base to the UAE. Dad got a job and mum had to quit hers and take care of him there ('him' refers to dad and me, and basically us. I was used to being taken into inclusion, just like my then-passport. My mum had a passport, and I was included in it :D ). UAE was good as well, very influential to ideas and beliefs of my 6-yr old mind. Except for the initial days, when I used to miss my grandparents terribly and the endless nights I cried myself to sleep wishing God would be compassionate enough to gift me a puppy dog as a pet, I was good. Life was unassuming, international and simple.

Back to Bhubaneswar - made it real. Now was good, not as good but couldn't really have been better. Oriya became a language that I had to learn and despise. The more I learnt, the more I despised. It seems analyse-able now that I was changing everyday; Everything changed everyday. From home=easy, school=hard it became school=easy, home=hard. Friendship (unified plural) and relationships (diverse plural) took on metaphorical meanings. Life rocked, sucked and went on to develop into new things - all the time!

What I basically mean is that I cherish all those uncountable instances when the early, pre-adolescent and adolescent years have been good and lucky, for better or worse. Even if I don't remember each and every chapter, I'm sure they all had moments that caused change that can last a lifetime. In fact, in some random way it has helped form the sensible, nerdy, emotionally-conscious adult in me. And also the crazy, uncaring, impulsive freak in me - that I value and appreciate a tad bit more. Obviously. :D

why?

Why would anybody decide to start BLOGGING?

Perhaps they want to set apart and record the oh-so-many occurrences of their day-to-day life so that they can go back and live in that very moment one more time. Or perhaps, even though it sounds morbid enough, they might want to hone and develop their so called 'writing' skills and discover some new aspect of 'creativity' in the self. For me, if not being absolutely random about it, it would have to be the former for i had no intentions whatsoever to record any memoranda for whatever reasons. I wouldn't have written the story of my life, stating charts and facts and figures - to save my life. And yet, here i am, doing precisely the exact thing that otherwise seemed despicable to me.

What is the point?

No idea.

On second thoughts, why does there need to be a point?

Decisions can be ugly and incorrect and unjustified and random.

On third thoughts (which is what i take to be the actual reason), a good friend bugged me into it. Other good friends reckoned it was a 'wizard' idea. And since i couldnt deny that the thought had crossed my mind earlier and more than once, i decided to bring it up and face it head on, and basically, just START writing.

Here goes, for whatever reasons.